


harder than an exam (guessing your heart)

by liminalism



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, kang taehyun is bad at feelings: (an attempt at) trope subversion, pour one out for all the students just trying to get by during finals, unreliable narrator kang taehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liminalism/pseuds/liminalism
Summary: “Make a wish,” Kai whispers, eyes wide. The moment feels… sacred, somehow. Pure. Like they’re the only two people in the world.“Make a wish,” Taehyun whispers back, blinking slowly and then looking away. To guard himself.And he — makes a wish. It’s finals season, his first year as a college student, in this pre-law course, the first stepping stone towards achieving the goals in life he’d outlined and re-outlined ever since he was a kid. Taehyun knows, logically, what he should wish for. But then he opens his eyes again, lets himself look beside him, takes his fill once he knows it’s safe and Kai can’t see him. And he wishes.(or, kang taehyun and his struggles with the unquantifiable concept of falling in love.)
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60
Collections: TXT Secret Santa Fic Fest 2020





	harder than an exam (guessing your heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teokkityun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teokkityun/gifts).



> !! minor warnings for some alcohol mention !! & some offscreen kissing under the influence of alcohol
> 
> to my recipient —
> 
> happy holidays!  
> i loved your prompt a lot. i tried to write this with u in mind, and i hope that came across╰(*´︶`*)╯thank u for giving me the opportunity to finally write these two! love u a lot and i hope u enjoy this ♡︎ 
> 
> big thanks as well to the mod for organizing this fest! 
> 
> title from wishlist by tomorrow x together | [tyunning playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/rainbowcoleen/playlist/6mvCzliAFJO1ng2Mieucxw)

🐿🐧

It’s the first week of December, and they’re in the final week of their first ever so-called Hell Month, what students of their university had dubbed finals season; typically, this kind of suffering only lasted a week or so in other schools, but, well. At least everyone is suffering together. This year’s batch of hapless first years had gone through a trial version of it during midterms, but as the seniors liked to ominously laugh and warn them about, that shit was nothing. 

The campus, usually bright and uplifting in its existence alone, is practically unrecognizable now, streets devoid of the casual strollers who slowed down to absorb the gorgeous sprawling scenery. Instead, students are either walking around like zombies or like they were on fire, lethargic on four cups of the strongest coffee convenience stores had to offer and only two hours of sleep, or panicky in their desire to meet whichever deadline was quickly heralding their doom. Winter was fast approaching too, and the cold seeping into everyone’s bones does nothing to help. 

It’s for this exact reason that Kang Taehyun, despite being completely, _utterly_ , exhausted, is still awake. He thinks he’s in the process of being completely rewired as a person, actually, where being drained doesn’t automatically mean his body is able to shut down and recover, instead just zoning out and calling that rest. He’s just finished one paper, due by noon (which is in — he does a quick count — roughly six hours from now), and without his permission his brain is running through the daunting list of exams and requirements he still has to go through. He thinks he still has about two more papers he needs to submit before freedom. 

Fuck college. What is all this for, again?

Beside him, splayed on the floor and looking as dead as he feels inside, is his roommate, Kai.

They’re both freshmen, Taehyun in the liberal arts program and Kai going after a degree in music. They met during freshman registration, a week-long affair that was designated a month earlier than the rest of the university to accommodate for freshman priority. It was pure coincidence, really, that they’d met; their majors didn’t have any overlaps at all, but through an icebreaker activity, they’d discovered they were both looking for student housing. As newly hatched chicks as they were, the two had taken a gamble on each other and decided to partner up and help each other out. 

Just their luck, then, that while they were roaming around the residential area in the vicinity of their campus, they’d come across a sign plastered across a gate — _STUDIO APARTMENT AVAILABLE_ — with a contact number handwritten underneath. They’d knocked, were toured inside, found the space suitable enough, balked at the renting price but was duly informed by Taehyun’s mother after a frantic round of texting that those really were normal prices for student housing, and then, without further ado, had become roommates.

It hadn’t been very practical, truth be told, because what if this boy, _Hi, I’m Huening Kai, that’s not my full name but that’s for level three friendship, nice to meet you!_ , wasn’t nice? What if he was messy, or secretly mean, or didn’t have the patience for Taehyun’s own habits? And when they’d actually settled in, it was even clearer that their decision was a _gamble_ for real on Kai’s part too, because — well, what if _Taehyun_ minded having so many plushies in his space? Taehyun didn’t, in fact he found it adorable and endearing, and further than that Huening Kai was neat and nice and didn’t care that Taehyun usually woke up with the sun, so. That had worked out nicely.

In any case, the two of them became quick friends, learning each other alongside learning the ropes of life in university, which was a vast world of _newness_ , fast-paced and merciless to anyone who might still be caught off guard. Taehyun was glad to have someone as equally clueless as he was, because he wasn’t used to feeling like a child thrown off the deep end of the pool, and it felt nice to have someone he could explore this new world with.

At the moment, though, as the first semester drew to its frankly soul-sucking end, Taehyun doesn’t really feel like romanticizing college life too much.

Kai has his eyes closed, but he must feel his roommate staring blankly in his direction, because he opens them slowly, offering Taehyun a close-lipped smile. And isn’t that just cute — despite the exhaustion the rest of his mind and body feel, Taehyun’s idiot heart still has the energy to thump extra hard at the small gesture of affection from the other boy.

“‘Sup,” Kai offers. “Are you finally giving up?”

Taehyun snorts. “I wish I _can_.”

“I mean, technically, you can, no one’s stopping you, college is all about making mistakes, isn’t it?”

“I think, with the way you’re encouraging me to just stop in the literal middle of finals, that befriending you was the mistake,” Taehyun quips, rolling his eyes, but he’s settling into the easy banter. He’s only known him for more or less four months, but he thinks Kai might be his best friend in the world. They just click.

“I’m the cutest mistake you’ve ever made, then,” Kai throws at him. He moves to sit up, and his hair is a bit ruffled. Taehyun kind of wants to reach up and fix it, but over his dead body is he going to move from his spot unless completely necessary. Kai might just be his best friend, but he’s also the worst narcissist he knows, casually spouting stuff like that out of nowhere to throw people off. It works too, is the thing. Kai is _handsome_. 

Taehyun likes to think he’s gotten immune to the guy’s charms after a full semester of spending time with him, but, well. Taehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes again to keep from giving Kai the satisfaction of a reaction, but the smug little smile his roommate shoots him tells him he doesn’t quite succeed.

Anyway. Not that the past ten minutes of pointlessly staring into space hadn’t been fun, but Taehyun has a schedule. He can’t get distracted. And Kai can be very distracting, given enough motivation. “Why aren’t you doing anything?”

The other boy looks away shiftily. “I’m _resting_. Just like you.”

Taehyun makes a quick rundown of the past… blurry chunk of time that he knows they’ve spent together. “Come to think of it. I haven’t actually seen you do anything in the past few hours.”

“Excuse me! Yes I have! I finished the — I have my own schedule that I am adhering to perfectly!”

“Uh huh. So you’re done with the final paper for your English elective?”

“The professor gave us an extension so it’s not until next week, which first year won’t take advantage of that and does their paper a week _before_ —”

“ _I_ do, you’re way too lax. And you’re done with your Math probsets?”

“I have a few more left on it, but that’s still for Friday, it’s only Tuesday —”

“Mmm. And your Philosophy exam for tomorrow, you’ve studied for that?”

“YES! That one I’ve done,” and Kai looks far too triumphant for someone as behind on requirements as he is, and Taehyun is just about to say so when Kai suddenly deflates, pouting. He mumbles something, looking away again. 

“Wait, are you upset? I’m only joking, Hyuka, sorry —” the nickname he rarely uses slips out, Taehyun hurrying to backpedal.

“I _said_ ,” the other boy interrupts. “I wasn’t even aware you were keeping track of _me_ , since you’ve been holed up in the library studying this whole time.”

It’s true. Taehyun only trudged his way back to his apartment when the deadpan student assistant had to kick him out, showered and slept, and then woke up to trek his way back to the library again once it was open for the day. Even accounting for the hours their main library added whenever it was exams period, he had to admit to himself he did spend more hours in there than the usual student probably did. 

“Of course I keep track of you? No, wait,” he quickly amends, seeing Kai’s face fall a bit more. “Aww. You miss me, Kai Kamal?”

“Snort,” he _physically says_. “I don’t.” 

But before Taehyun can get his next word in, Kai hurries to say something more, voice growing just a tiny bit sharper. “I also would actually appreciate it if you held back on the nagging, I do have my own way of doing things, and I am aware my actions have consequences, you know?”

The way he says it gives Taehyun pause. Ah. He supposes he has been a bit overbearing. “Got it. Sorry.”

Kai groans, rubbing at his face. “Noooo, don’t pull the puppy dog eyes on me!”

“I’m not!” Taehyun yelps. “ _Puppy dog eyes?_ ”

“Yes! You have very big eyes, they’re very distracting sometimes!”

Taehyun feels his cheeks flood with warmth, but he powers through it. “You find my eyes distracting?”

That seems to do the trick, bizarrely enough, and Kai shuts up after a few sputters. 

There’s a bit of an awkward silence, but, well. _Anyway_. They’ve dawdled enough. Taehyun tries hopelessly to control his expression; he doesn’t even want to think about how red he must be, with how warm he feels. And then he glances at the clock, bold and striking on the dirty off-white of their apartment wall, sees it ticking away the remaining time he has to finish everything he needs to, and the abrupt reminder of _schoolschoolschool_ in big bold letters drains him of the adrenaline rush of — whatever that was, with Kai. 

Suddenly, he’s exhausted again, and he flops back onto the floor like a puppet with its strings cut. Kai makes a sympathetic noise, teasing forgotten and replaced with commiseration.

“God,” Taehyun mutters, curling up on his side, a tightly wound ball. He usually handled stress better than this. “Hey, help quiz me on bio?”

“Like, now?”

“Yeah. Get it over with. I’m done rereading the chapters, just get the flashcards I made in the —” he flaps his hands carelessly in the direction of his backpack, “— somewhere there. The green index cards. You can study too.” They both have General Biology, same professor too, just under different timeslots.

He hears Kai shuffle his way to where he was indicating and he doesn’t watch the other boy anymore, he’s done a lot of that lately. Taehyun thinks he can see Kai imprinted behind his eyelids even when he has them closed.

“Here,” his roommate calls softly, and Taehyun hears him settle back down on the tiled wooden floor. He drags himself up, groaning and stretching, flapping his hands to try and wake himself, fire his blood up. It’s unfair, Taehyun thinks, unfiltered, that even in the worst part of the semester, Kai is still gorgeous. 

They do indeed get some more studying in, getting through about three quarters of the syllabus, until Taehyun, who had at some point leaned on the couch under the window and propped his head up on the pillows, took too long to remember and define what the modes of speciations were. He may also have had his eyes closed for at least two subtopics now.

“You’re really tired, huh,” Kai remarks, to which Taehyun just grunts in agreement. “You’re taking like, five seconds to say things now, when normally you’d inhale and then say ten things all at once.”

Taehyun opens one eye to send him a look, though the effect is probably ruined by his slumped position, but before he can actually say anything, Kai stands up and brushes himself off. 

“Okay, that’s it,” he says firmly. “Rest, Taehyunie. You didn’t even realize you got,” he glances at the flash cards, “ _cohesion mechanisms_ wrong, which is where I draw the line.”

Taehyun stares up at him, reflexes slower than usual. He feels like he’s moving through molasses, maybe he does need to sleep. 

“Go to sleep, Taehyun-ah,” Kai tells him, gentler this time. “I’ll wake you up in a few hours, don’t worry.”

Taehyun wants to argue, but again, Kai beats him to it. “Besides, I do need to write my paper now, and I can’t do that when I’m studying bio with you. I’m not tired at all, I napped after dinner, while you were in the library.”

Taehyun narrows his eyes. He knows what Kai is doing — implying Taehyun is cutting into _his_ own study time, which for him is something is akin to fratricide, honestly, even if the tactic is employed very transparently like this — but a yawn as big as his face interrupts his train of thought, and then suddenly resting his eyes for a few hours doesn’t sound so bad.

“Mmm, fine,” he grumbles, sitting up and stretching. He looks towards the window, sees the sky is considerably lighter now, a signal for the impending sunrise. He settles deeper into the couch, draping himself comfortably on it now that he’s made his mind up to sleep, and lays on his back, flinging an arm over the armrest.

Something from the window catches his eye before he drifts off, though. Taehyun squints at the movement outside for a few seconds before it registers.

“Hey, Hyuka,” he calls quietly. He hears the boy hum in response, but Taehyun doesn’t look away. “First snow.”

There’s some shuffling, and then Taehyun does look when the scent of something vaguely citrusy reaches him, and there’s a warmth beside him that’s closer than usual. Kai’s knee-walked his way to him, and now he’s staring out the window too, eyes fixed on the little white flakes falling slowly down. Soft, gentle, unhurried.

“Make a wish,” Kai whispers, eyes wide. The moment feels… sacred, somehow. Pure. Like they’re the only two people in the world.

“Make a wish,” Taehyun whispers back, blinking slowly and then looking away. To guard himself.

And he — makes a wish. It’s finals season, his first year as a college student, in this pre-law course, the first stepping stone towards achieving the goals in life he’d outlined and re-outlined ever since he was a kid. Taehyun knows, logically, what he should wish for — good grades, luck with good professors, to graduate on time and with flying colors — things of that sort. But then he opens his eyes again, lets himself look beside him, takes his fill once he knows it’s safe and Kai can’t see him. And he wishes.

He doesn’t quite put it into words, no, but rather, pictures it — leaning in, in; pictures having the ability to drown in the scent of citrus without feeling guilt, imagines gaining the privilege of giving and receiving casual affection, carves out an image of him entwining arms, hands, fingers with the other boy and have the act not be confused with anything else, crossing over one boundary between them and being welcomed as he does so.

He wishes for Kai to look at him, too. He wishes — well. He wishes for Kai, in general.

Taehyun falls asleep like that, drifting off to images of hands being intertwined, legs brushing against each other, hair swept off bright, clear, long-lashed eyes, and dreams of arms around him and lips meeting his own. 

❄️

When he wakes up, it’s to his shoulder being gently shaken underneath a thick comforter he recognizes as his own.

“Taehyun-ah,” a soft voice calls faintly. “It’s 9:30, gotta get up.”

Taehyun opens his eyes, which turns out to be a mistake, since the first thing he sees is Kai’s gorgeous, gorgeous face, and it’s way too early, his usual defenses aren’t up yet, but it’s still no excuse for what he does next.

“Good morning,” he whispers, and then sweeps the soft strands of hair from his friend’s eyes. 

Kai is visibly startled, but that’s nothing compared to Taehyun, who freezes almost comically. He thinks he forgets how to breathe. “Uh. I meant. Yeah, I’m up.”

Kai coughs and stands up, clearing his throat, and Taehyun retracts his hand, tucks it back under the blanket. 

“B-breakfast?” the other boy asks, looking at a spot somewhere above Taehyun’s head. “Yeonjun-hyung texted just now.” 

It’s an obvious attempt at switching topics, but Taehyun clutches at it readily. “Yeah. Yeah, sure, let me just get ready.”

When Taehyun looks into the mirror, his face is tomato red. They don’t talk about it, though, and he and Kai eventually make their way to their designated meeting spot with Yeonjun-hyung, bundled up and trudging through the sad, grey remnants of snowfall from last night. They have a quick meal, just some spicy fried rice, scrambled eggs, bacon, and at least two bowls each of the free soybean soup the friendly food stall owner hands out to every customer. 

After that, they all head out. Yeonjun and Kai will be walking together to the main campus library — Kai had offered to print out and submit his paper for Taehyun before reviewing some more for his Philosophy exam — and Taehyun, wishing them both luck, will be heading back to the apartment to get some more work done. 

Just before Taehyun turns the corner, though, his phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s from Kai.

 **roommate** **  
** nice to spend first snow with u like this, bf >3< tell me what u wished for l8r? ^^v  
**Sent 11:29am**

Taehyun stuffs his phone back inside, face radiating heat, and looks behind him. Sure enough, Kai and Yeonjun are still in sight, Kai with his phone in his hand. When he sees Taehyun looking at him, he shoots a finger gun, a peace sign, and a furious wave, all in quick succession. Yeonjun’s head bounces between the two of them in comical speed, and even though they’re way too far to see clearly, Taehyun is sure the expression on Yeonjun’s face is one of complete exasperation. 

Why did Kai want to know? He rumples his hair, flustered beyond belief, and turns away with a simple wave. He’ll have to lie, of course. Taehyun huffs. Maybe after finals are over and he’s not drowning in school work, he can figure the Huening Kai situation out.

🍳

There’s a saying, apparently, that if you’re with someone during first snow, then the two of you are going to end up together. Or, if you’re already a couple, that you would be together for a very long time. 

Beomgyu-hyung had relayed this information to him around the tail-end of autumn, when the leaves were just starting to turn gold. He had a plan, vague and grandiose as a fantasy but a plan nevertheless, to somehow orchestrate him and his upperclassman crush from his advanced Creative Dance class to be alone together, _somehow_ , during the forecasted date of this year’s first snowfall.

When he’d first heard of this from Beomgyu, all wide eyes and talkative hands, Taehyun had raised an eyebrow and listed everything that could possibly go wrong with it — it’s an urban legend; Yeonjun-hyung, who as far as they knew was _taken_ , might turn him down; weather forecasts were unreliable; et cetera — but Beomgyu took everything with a sort of self-aware determination. 

“Thanks for the workshop, Taehyun,” he’d said, which honestly had not been how Taehyun had meant his reproach to come across, but okay, he’d just let it go, because, well, there were other things to be concerned about, like the fact that finals were encroaching, and he had romance problems of his own.

Taehyun likes to think he was above such cliché things as falling in love for his roommate, falling in love _period_ , but he takes pride in being smart and logical about things, and even he can’t deny it any longer. 

It had been building up throughout the semester, that much Taehyun knew. Every time Kai so much as looks at him for more than three seconds at a time now, he has to fight the urge to cover his cheeks, knows they’re tinged warm under something as innocuous as prolonged attention; he tries to make peace with himself for not noticing when _it_ happened, _as_ it happened by spending time pinpointing possible key moments in his and Kai’s relationship (platonic) to achieve such an end result.

When did he start falling for Kai Kamal Huening?

Was it when he woke up shaking and freezing after an anxiety nightmare in the deep hours before sunrise, and Kai had noticed, calmed him down and stroked his arm, his hair, made him hot tea afterwards, and treated him to breakfast on campus, all without a hint of pressure to get him to talk about it? 

Taehyun had opened up later that day, just a bit, out of gratitude, and because Kai’s kind eyes bespoke nothing but concern; it was nothing, really, simply a culmination of freshman year nerves and the looming weight of academic responsibility. He expected — judgment, maybe, or to be dismissed, it all seemed so trivial when he told Kai about it, but nothing of that sort came from his roommate, just a fist bump and Kai extracting a casual, low-level promise from Taehyun to come to him if he needed help. Taehyun learned, then, that Huening Kai was kind. But he didn’t — he didn’t think that was it, really.

Was it, then, all the late-night snacks together as the semester progressed? He’d come to look forward to those nights out, sometimes with Soobin-hyung who lived in a condominium unit just outside their campus, sometimes with Beomgyu who lived in one of their university’s dormitories, but usually just the two of them, bonding over the novelty of college life — shitty professors, brilliant readings, cool classmates, the works. This was how Taehyun learned Kai liked a lot of the same things that he did, or if he didn’t, that Kai was adventurous and open enough to learn all about them. Maybe then?

Was it the first time they’d realized just how much _freedom_ they actually had, living on their own without adult supervision? The first time they’d decided to hop on a bus (with meticulous planning) and go wherever it may take them (a local movie house that screened various indie films a two-hour commute away)? 

That night had been exhilarating, to say the least. The two of them hadn’t grown up sheltered or anything, but the thrill of doing things on their own was still unparalleled, and when they’d gotten home, flushed and giddy from the night out, Kai had brushed Taehyun’s fringe out of his face, muttering about dust or dirt or whatever, and smoothed his collar down for him. 

That night, and all their other movie nights that followed, was when Taehyun learned Kai cried during sad movies, but also during happy ones, how Taehyun learned Kai liked movies about animals and family, but loved movies about music most of all. That night was also how he learned that you could actually count someone else’s eyelashes, if you stood close enough to them, even if they were taller than you.

Maybe then? 

If not that — was it when Taehyun had fallen sick just after midterms season, the consequence of pulling way more all-nighters than was strictly necessary? He’d received stellar grades, yes, but Kai had still gotten angry at him, saying strange things like “Can you take better care of yourself, it worries me to see you work yourself too hard” and “If you wanted me to take care of you so badly you could have just asked.” 

It was odd, the day he’d gotten sick. Taehyun had powered through his last midterms exam with a low-grade fever and had stumbled out of the classroom, ready to take his sweet, dizzy time walking home to his apartment and passing out, that he’d almost walked past his roommate waiting in front of him by the door; if it hadn’t been for an arm around his shoulder and a bottle of cool store-bought citron tea thrust under his nose he would have missed the other boy completely.

“Kai,” Taehyun had blurted out, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Kai squinted at his face, then stuck the back of his hand on Taehyun’s forehead. “I was going to text you to come straight home after your exams, on account of, you know, the fact that you have a _fever_ , but then I saw you’d left your phone on your desk and I realized you were probably worse off than I’d thought and that I had no way of letting you know I’d made samgyetang for y— for dinner tonight.”

“But you can’t cook,” Taehyun had said, the shock of being picked up from his classroom and the hand still on his forehead on top of the fever-haze he’d been under the whole day making the statement come out blunter than usual. 

“That’s — fine, I had food delivered, but that’s beside the point! What I _mean_ is —”

“Wait, yeah, no, sorry, I — thank you.” Taehyun waved the bottle of citron tea around. “For this, too. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.”

Kai stared at him for a few more beats, then started to make his way out of the building, pulling Taehyun gently with him. “Drink that while we’re on the way home. I have some medicine with me, too, but I guess that’s for after dinner.”

Taehyun had finished the drink just before they entered the apartment, and he didn’t know if Kai paid it as much mind as he did, but the other boy didn’t let go of his wrist the entire way home. This was how Taehyun learned Kai was selfless, and paid attention, and didn’t mind going the extra mile for the long list of people he cared for. This was how Taehyun learned _he_ had somehow made it on that list.

Was it then?

Did it happen over the numerous study dates they had over the months, hours they’d spend together at the library, or at a café Yeonjun had recommended, or just in their room, the table that doubled as their shared desk and dinner table weighed down with books and stacks of paper and their laptops as they labored over whatever requirement it was they had for the time? It was unusual, truthfully, for two students from different courses to study together so much, but it’s good, too — they’re learning a lot of their fields’ fundamentals together, finding commonalities and such, which in Taehyun’s opinion enriched both of their academic experiences. 

Sometimes Beomgyu would join them, or Soobin, or Jungkook-sunbae, the cool senior Yeonjun was maybe-dating, whom Kai had found out he shared a gen ed class with. Sometimes Taehyun and Kai wouldn’t study for too long, or study at all, just lay out their materials in front of them only to end up spending hours just talking about whatever. These chunks of time devoted to studying were how Taehyun learned Kai was as determined to do well in his education as he was. Taehyun supposes it was sometime along then, likely. Probably.

Or maybe, just maybe, it happened during that night that existed only in the fuzziest edges of his memory, hazy and dizzy and unreachable, untouchable, for a great many myriad reasons, first and foremost of which was that — well, they’d gone out drinking for the first time, at the encouragement and assurances of safety by their closest upperclassmen friends. And there had been a moment, a couple of minutes, maybe a bit longer than that — that they had — ?

They’d kissed, Taehyun thinks. Just once. Or twice, or maybe even three times, chaste and then frenzied and then very, very sweetly, if his memory was to be trusted. Which it wasn’t, because he’d — they’d both been under the influence of alcohol, and really it was all just a blurry rush of dark rooms, loud pounding beats, low overhead lights, and a lot of faceless people dancing in their own worlds around them, enough that they felt weightless, enough that they had a safe anonymity in the crowd. 

They’d been resting from dancing, just talking at the designated group table, closer than usual because of the noise, and there had been a moment when Kai had whispered into his ear a comment about something or other and then they had been _so close_ — one moment they were staring at each other, entranced, and then the next they were kissing.

Taehyun thinks it was Kai who leaned in first, and him who chased after Kai when he pulled away. 

He did remember thinking Kai’s lips were soft and plush, exactly like he’d imagined (because he _had_ been imagining, Taehyun had started to imagine) but infinitely better. He thinks he remembers biting at Kai’s bottom lip, just to satisfy a personal curiosity, and Kai making a sound in response, one that, in Taehyun’s opinion, can only be described as delicious.

That was how Taehyun learned how Kai’s lips tasted, how he kissed, that he can make sounds that might just drive Taehyun crazy.

If Taehyun remembered it right, which he was sure he didn’t, Soobin had collected them from their secluded corner of the college-friendly bar, thrust them each a glass of cold water to sober up. Cool senior Jungkook, who had come along with Soobin as the designated driver, had dropped the two of them home, after which Taehyun had gone straight into the bathroom to freshen up, brushing his teeth carefully. 

When he got out, Kai had already fallen asleep, and usually Taehyun would pester him to get properly cleaned up, but that night, something had stopped him. He didn’t know what, he didn’t _want_ to know what, and so he’d just fallen into bed too, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning, Kai had woken him up the way he usually does when he sleeps through his alarm, with a shake of the shoulder and gentle “Taehyun-ah, it’s 9:30. Wanna grab breakfast with me?”

Taehyun remembers opening his eyes and looking up into Kai’s face, Kai’s eyes, Kai’s lips that he now knew how they felt against his first thing in the morning, and thinking, _I could get used to this_. And then, _oh_. And then, _fuck_.

Taehyun guesses it was then that he’d realized, likely, but it keeps him up at night, trying to guess when the falling had happened. Either way. _Either way_. He’s admitted he’s fallen some time ago, and fallen hard. 

📝

So, yeah. The Huening Kai situation. Beomgyu-hyung is the only one who knows about it in full detail, since he’s the only one Taehyun has confided in, but Beomgyu isn’t very helpful most of the time; he’s convinced he and Kai are already dating.

“Bro,” Beomgyu had laid it to him straight, over lunch the day after the ki — the drinking incident. “He picks you up in between classes. He made you fever food, cuddled you when you were sick. You know him so well you can probably answer his student registration form for him. And remember that time you forgot your umbrella and he waited for you at your building to make sure you didn’t get rained on? That.” 

He widened his eyes at Taehyun to emphasize his point. “ _You two have kissed_. What else do you want?”

Taehyun had a rebuttal for all (but the last) of those items in Beomgyu’s list — their schedules are just aligned like that; Kai is a nice roommate; they spend so much time together, it’s inevitable that Taehyun would notice and retain all those little pieces of information about Kai; offering to share an umbrella was basic common decency. The last one was tricky, sure, but — alcohol could make people do strange things, including kiss your very close friend, and he’d told Beomgyu as much.

“Taehyun-ah, stop trying to convince yourself he doesn’t like you just because _you_ like him. It’s okay. Two people can have feelings for each other at the same time, it happens. _Let_ it happen.” And then a significant pause. “Are you really sure you two aren’t already dating?”

“Of course not! You think if I got myself a boyfriend I wouldn’t have noticed?”

“Hmm,” Beomgyu had hummed, clearly unconvinced. “I’m not sure. You’re smart, Taehyun-ah, but…”

“But what,” Taehyun had deadpanned. “Actually, do not answer that, I resent whatever you’re implying.”

Beomgyu had raised his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying, talk to him. Confess or something. Or like, DTR. Define the relationship? Since it looks like you’ve both been flirting hard with each other?” He tuts in sympathy. “You have it bad, babe.”

Fast forward a couple of weeks: Taehyun is currently experiencing a weird sense of deja vu as he goes to Beomgyu for help yet again.

 _hyung_ , he texts. _what does bf mean?_

like  
bf?  
boyfriend?  
**Sent 1:34pm**

[img attached]  
**Sent 1:35pm**

bf >3<, he says  
oh my god  
babe i ask once again  
are u *sure*  
that he doesnt think the two of u are already dating?  
**Sent 1:37pm**

i don’t think you’re helping, but thanks anyway  
**Sent 1:37pm**

taehyun-ahhhhh dont be like this  
ok im sorry  
but tbh it really does seem like he meant boyfriend!  
though i guess he can also mean .. best friend  
**Sent 1:39pm**

.  
**Sent 1:41pm**

a simple period can say so much huh  
talk it out !!  
here  
to set the mood  
[link attached: Sweet Night by V]  
**Sent 1:44pm**

wow  
i think i hate you  
**Sent 1:45pm**

><  
love u too ❤️  
**Sent 1:46pm**

also  
ik u’re busy now w/ ur own ❤️ problems but  
can we talk abt my sitch with yj-hyung sometime soon?  
didnt get to enact my first snow plan, sadly  
(nd also probably obviously)  
**Sent 1:55pm**

ofc hyung  
i’ll treat you to lunch next week  
:)  
**Sent 1:56pm**

📱

What is _there_ to even talk about? Taehyun tries to list it down, tackle this like he would any other problem he encounters, but there’s so much to cover, and simultaneously nothing at all. 

He tries to envision it, how a conversation about this would go down, but comes up blank — how would it start? _Hey, Kai, are we together? Why did you kiss me? Did you like it? Do you like me? Do you know that I like you? What are we?_ All of it sounds so… so agonizing in his head that Taehyun’s mind just recoils away on instinct. 

He’ll wait until finals are over, and then he can _try_ to start thinking about this. It’s okay. It’s only been one semester since he’s met Kai. Technically, they still have one more semester of living together in this apartment, as per their contract with the kind ahjumma who rented it out. He has time.

Problem resolved ( _diverted_ , a voice that sounded like Beomgyu whispered in his mind) for the moment, Taehyun dives back into finals mode. He wants to finish everything by the end of this week, misses the feeling of living guilt-free and unbound by academic obligation. He doesn’t pay attention to much of anything, much less the passing of time, he’s just aware that the sun has set some time ago, so he’s surprised when the sound of a key turning in the lock rattles through his consciousness and Kai enters, brushing off snowflakes from his hair. The sight leaves Taehyun a bit breathless, Kai with soft curls framing his face, cheeks flushed from the cold outside. 

“Hey,” he greets Taehyun, unwinding the scarf from around his neck and shedding his coat, leaving his shoes by the door and placing a paper bag on his side of the table. “I brought food.” And then he takes a second look at him. “Have you been here the whole day?”

Taehyun glances at the clock. “I think so. I didn’t even notice lunchtime had gone by.” He _had_ remembered to shower, at least, just around an hour ago. 

“Taehyun-ah, it’s _dinnertime_. I really can’t leave you alone, huh.”

Taehyun wrinkles his nose. “On the plus side, I’m done with almost everything.” It’s true. Just the bio exam left, and he’d already studied for that with Kai.

“Hey, me too!” Kai flops on his bed. “I finished that paper today, after that exam, and then Yeonjun-hyung offered to help me out with the probsets, and _then_ Soobin-hyung dropped by with Jungkook-sunbae and I didn’t think we would be able to get anything else done, but surprisingly they’re all pretty good students, and the three of them are productive to study with.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Kai carries on. “Also, I slept for like, an hour at our table. No one really cares what college students do during finals, huh? Librarian didn’t even bat an eye.” 

“What horrors must they have seen,” Taehyun deadpans in response. “Your day sounds nice, all things considered.”

Kai laughs. “Yeah, it was alright. Could have been better though,” he muses. “If you’d been there.”

Taehyun thinks, if he didn’t have superb self-control, that his eyes would have bugged out. “You just want me for my study guides,” he manages to get out.

“No, I’m being serious! I mean, yeah, that would have been nice too, but I’m so used to studying with you it’s weird to be with other people. Or,” Kai’s voice grows thoughtful.

 _This boy has no idea that his actions have consequences_ , Taehyun thinks faintly.

“Don’t tell anyone, and don’t judge me, but I think… I think Soobin-hyung and Jungkook-sunbae were flirting.” Kai’s eyes have gone wide, but then he shakes his head, waving a hand around. “Though I guess it’s really none of my business. Just that seeing people all cozy like that made me miss you.”

 _Oh, wow_ , Taehyun thinks this boy is out to kill him. He doesn’t know what to say, and instead makes a mental note to open the Yeonjun-Jungkook-Soobin thing up with Beomgyu as discreetly as possible when they get to talk. As it is, Kai doesn’t look like he was expecting an answer, either. He just stretches, all casual, like he hadn’t just set off a thousand butterflies in Taehyun’s stomach. “Man, I’m beat.”

Taehyun opts to busy himself with the food Kai had brought home, instead of letting himself fixate on the strip of skin that had innocently been revealed as the other boy rolled around in bed. “Go shower, I’ll set out the food.”

“Mmm, domestic,” Kai murmurs. _Please_ , Taehyun begs internally, _please stop saying things._

Kai does go out to take a shower, and in the time that he was gone Taehyun forces his blush down, packs up his study materials, lays out the food (kiosk-bought takoyaki, spicy seafood stew, and soda — cola for Kai and sprite for him), and then has a few extra minutes to ruminate over the text from this morning again.

 _Tell me what you wished for later?_ Later is _now_ , Taehyun guesses. He has considered lying, true, but he doesn’t want to test his ability to lie to Kai’s face anymore, not after that time he’d eaten Kai’s last cup of ramyeon by accident, in their first months of living together, thinking it was from his own stash. It only took one look at Kai’s dejected expression for Taehyun’s resolve to keep the façade up crumbling down completely, and he’d immediately replaced the lost ramyeon with a whole new pack the next day, his weekly budget be damned.

The point is, Taehyun can’t lie to Kai.

 _I_ , he thinks, morosely stabbing a piece of takoyaki, dipping it in sauce, and sticking it in his mouth, _will simply have to cross that bridge when I get there._

Almost as if on cue, Kai enters the room again, this time freshly showered and looking no less devastating in his oversized house shirt and loose pyjamas. He rifles through his cabinet and then pulls out a soft green hoodie with bunny ears, climbs into it, and then plops himself down on the floor. “Can we eat here instead? I’ve been sitting at a table all day, I’m kinda sick of them.”

“Of tables?” Taehyun must not have been able to keep the slight hysteria out of his voice, because Kai gives him a look, one that quickly tinges defensive when he sees how Taehyun is staring at the hoodie.

“Hey, no need to judge, it’s cute and warm,” Kai says, picking at the edges of his sleeves to cover his knuckles. Taehyun is going to die.

“I’m not judging,” he says quickly, “and you’re right, it’s cute.”

“Thanks,” Kai shoots back, fluttering his eyelashes. “I know I am.”

Taehyun _has_ to do something else, and okay, let’s just bring the food down to the floor. 

The two of them do end up falling quiet, the silence easy and comfortable due to routine. Through the window, Taehyun can see the snow falling, heavier tonight than last night, and he thinks of Kai with snow dusting his hair, and the text, and his wish. 

“Kai,” he breaks the silence. “What did _you_ wish for?” 

Taehyun supposes he can speed-walk right up to the bridge by himself, instead of prolonging the agony.

“Hey, not fair! I asked you first,” Kai protests.

“Sure, but asking out loud holds more weight, so,” Taehyun rebuts, keeping his voice light, teasing.

“Mmph. Still not fair,” and then they lapse into silence once more, but this time there’s a certain weight settling over them. It makes Taehyun restless, makes his skin itch.

“So..?” he prompts.

Kai fiddles with his sweater paws before he answers. “This really isn’t fair, you know, I did ask first,” he says, voice gentle despite the admonition. “But… I wished something you-related.”

Taehyun’s eyebrows fly up and then scrunch together. “What does that mean? Is that your way of saying you don’t like me as a roommate? Have I done something?” 

“Wait — hey, no, it’s not anything bad, don’t worry about it,” Kai hurries to assure him, and he says it so sincerely Taehyun has no choice but to believe him. He doesn’t think Kai is the type of person to talk or think badly of anyone, really. Kai is an angel like that.

“So what do you mean? What’s the me-related thing?”

Kai pouts. “Can’t we do this alternately? You ask me a question, I ask you another?” 

Taehyun contemplates. “If it really bothers you…” He supposes he has been unfair.

“Okay, so, back to my original question — tell me what you wished for?”

“Well,” Taehyun hedges. “Uh. It’s you-related, too,” and then closes his eyes, cringing. What has this whole romance thing done to him.

Kai pouts again. “That’s cheating, and you know it.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Taehyun shoots back quickly. 

Kai just rolls his eyes. “C’mon, Taehyun-ah,” he implores. “It’s just me.”

And — that’s just it, really, isn’t it? He’s right. 

This is Kai, the boy with the screeching laughter, the innumerable plushies, the closet comprised of almost nothing but hoodies, onesies, and jeans; the sweet boy who likes belly rubs and clinging to his friends; the kind boy who buys egg tarts at the nearby bakery on the way to his morning classes and pets all the stray dogs he comes across on campus; the beautiful boy who strums him songs on his guitar sometimes, sings quiet tunes with his lilting voice without much thought; the gentle boy who wakes him up from nightmares and always reminds him to eat. 

It’s just Kai.

Taehyun decides to take a leap, burn the bridge, whatever — stop thinking for _once_.

“I like you.”

🐿🐧

Afterwards, it’s Beomgyu who has the last laugh.

“You IDIOT, I _told you!_ ” he screeches in utter, _utter_ delight, pointing at Taehyun and Kai’s hands, which are intertwined together. Finals are over, and Taehyun finally has the time to make good on his promise of treating Beomgyu to lunch. 

“This is why you should ALWAYS listen to your hyung!” The older boy turns to Kai, who’s barely holding back a laugh. “How did it go? Was it you who asked? Or, _god forbid_ , him?”

“Hyung, calm down, you’re gonna get us thrown out,” Taehyun sighs, running a hand through his fringe, newly bleached in honor of finishing a semester, for something to do with his free hand, but Beomgyu pays him no mind, and instead simply continues to pester Kai. 

“Yah, _yah_ , do you know how long I’ve had to endure Taehyunie pining like a lovesick fool? _Beomgyu-hyung, he kissed me, what could that mean, Beomgyu-hyung, what does bf mean, Beomgyu-hyung, he lent me his umbrella_ — dude. _Dude_.” He presses a hand to his chest, overcome with emotion. Never mind that the emotion seems to be unfettered glee. “I am so happy you two _finally_ got your shit together.”

Taehyun sighs again, but his plan to look around for something to save them gets derailed when he feels a thumb swipe across his knuckles. He looks up at Kai, who’s still smiling sheepishly at the hyung yelling beside him. 

He squeezes back, content, and then turns back to Beomgyu. “Hyung, seriously, calm down or we won’t spill every single detail.”

“Oh, so it’s a _we_ now, huh, look at you two —”

“That’s it, we’re leaving, pay for the food on your own —”

That shuts Beomgyu up, even though he’s drumming his fingers in anticipation on the table of the café-restaurant Taehyun had invited him to. This debriefing session was going to be fun.

Long story short: Taehyun had confessed, and Kai had _laughed in his face_.

“I almost walked out,” Taehyun says good-naturedly. Worse, he’d almost _cried_ , but Beomgyu can pick that detail out on his own. Kai had been quick to clarify, though, even if his incredulity had been evident in his voice.

“Taehyun-ah, I like you too,” he’d said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I- I thought we’d already _been_ dating.”

The certainty in Kai’s voice had left Taehyun reeling. Wasn’t he supposed to be smart? How come he’d never —?

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Kai interrupted his thoughts. His face must have been spelling everything out, if Kai had seemed that concerned. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. I was just — _wow_ , Yeonjun-hyung was right, I — we really should have talked.”

“Noooooo,” was the first thing out of Taehyun’s mouth. He’d buried his face in his hands, suddenly overcome with the urge to laugh. “ _Beomgyu-hyung_ was right.” 

The Beomgyu-hyung in front of him right now is practically dripping smugness. “Go on,” he purrs. “I’m enjoying this.”

Kai takes over. “I asked him what you were right about, and he said — well, actually Taehyunie just showed me your chatbox, just the relevant parts, and I got the shock of my life, hah.” He scratches at his nose, embarrassed, before he continues.

“Scratch that, it was both somehow the most confusing and most enlightening moment of my life so far. Imagine thinking you already had a b-boyfriend —” they all politely ignore the stutter “— and then realizing the reason you hadn’t even held hands is because the two of you — of us — hadn’t been on the same page.” Kai laughs. “Wild times.”

“You can’t blame me though,” Taehyun feels the need to point out. “I really had no idea, I thought I’d just been pining on my own the entire time.”

“I don’t blame you, I promise. And,” he interrupts before Taehyun can say anything. “I don’t blame myself either. We were both dumb. Could have just talked it out like normal people, crying emoji.”

Taehyun smiles, fond beyond belief, and steals a small muffin from Kai’s plate of pastries.

“I’m still here, you fuckers in love,” Beomgyu pipes up. There’s no heat behind his voice, but Taehyun still kicks him gently in the shin.

“Okay!” Taehyun untangles his hand from Kai’s and steeples his fingers, eyes glinting as he turns his attention to Beomgyu. “Now that we’re all caught up with, ah, the Huening Kai thing —”

“Thanks a lot.”

“— The boyfriend issue —”

“Better.”

“— How are things with Yeonjun-hyung, then? And _Soobin-hyung_?”

Beomgyu gulps. At least it hadn’t just been his semester that had been rife with drama. Taehyun settles in more comfortably in his corner with Kai, the snow outside making everything look peaceful and picturesque — looks like this was going to be a longer lunch date than any of them had planned.

💕

**Author's Note:**

> > Prompt: They watch the first snowfall in the wee hours of the morning, while everyone else is still asleep, and make wishes on it together. They both wish for the same thing; the chance that the other might return their feelings.
> 
> there are some self-indulgences scattered here and there, which are just gifts to myself and a couple of friends. also a lot of creative liberties taken, esp. with regards to the campus setting lol. lastly, i have never experienced snow before in my life, so i do apologize if some parts were inaccurate ;-;
> 
> thank you so much for reading ♡︎ pls leave comments below! i hope everyone has a much, much better 2021 („•‿•„)
> 
> [christmas-themed tyunning from peppero day](https://twitter.com/TXT_members/status/1326496608746262528)  
> addtl: now that reveals are out i can link this hehe come say hi!  
> [twt moodboard](https://twitter.com/yeonjunsugas/status/1344196416785108993) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/catboyizms)


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